...i've been having these AMAZING experiences - always involving other people...in fact, based around all of the friendships in my life...where everything falls perfectly into place in a beautiful way. and where i am with people who are fun to be with, are completely supportive and loving, and provide me with the most pertinent resource of all - laughter! when you're laughing, there is no way to help but feel joy! and i KNOW that MOM IS DOING THIS WORK in our lives!!! she's showing us "cosmic synchronicity" all the time!
kelli said a few times that she could absolutely FEEL mom there with us, enjoying watching us have so much fun. kelli kept saying she was thankful that we had such a magical weekend which did NOT involve any alcohol. she realizes she has a problem with that, and has stopped drinking. she recognizes that mom is working in her life on that level...
it's like mom is providing these awesome, loving situations in our lives, so that we can survive the unbearable pain of grieving. she is still bringing us joy. she is showing us how to find ot and make it for ourselves - in our own lives. she is helping us from where she is.
i am weeping desperately and deeply as i write this still. but i know that even when i cry like this, i am doing so because she has entered the room. and as much as i am mourning her absence in these moments and always, i am feeling the gift of her enveloping, loving presence at the same time.
i feel now that mom is working THROUGH us. and to keep her alive, we must do as she would do; reach to the standards that she set. and like you said dad, command respect - from ourselves and others. mostly, in order to honor her, we have to look for the joy in our lives, and pursue it. we have to do what makes us feel good, strong, and happy
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god, i miss her so much, words cannot express. but i do also feel like i am turning some kind of corner...thinking about all of the beautiful and amazing things that are going to grow in wake of her transformation
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