A Letter from Dad...
Dear Tina and Liz, I know that this weekend is so painful for you both, but once again, I want to encourage you to try to force yourselves to “celebrate” Mommie vs. Mourn her. The more time that goes by, the more I think of her essence…. And that was love, light and happiness….. yes with great sadness, but also with so much love…. as you do. She was great. She was a gift… She was here with and for us for a number of years that were not enough…. But that is true of all good things…. There can never be enough of a good thing…… Today and always I will try to love the time we had and try not to think that it wasn’t enough…. I know it’s hard… I love you both with all my heart and feel so blessed that Mommie gave me the gifts that are you. I wish you both a very great year with great health, happiness, new adventures and all the love that you deserve. PEACE, Dad
Saturday, December 31, 2011
New Year's Eve, 2004
Liz’s reflections
December
31, 2004
I
went into Mom’s room this morning to say goodbye, though I know goodbye means
nothing but “Welcome...you are reborn”... in the scope of
eternity.
I left
Aunty Karen’s bible by the bedside. I told mom that Tina and Shelly and I are
strong enough - not only to live on, but to live on with joy-filled hearts - in
the pursuit of fulfilling our highest and deepest dreams. I told her it was
okay to let go...that our only wish now was for her wholeness and freedom.
I told
her...
That
when I used to dream about swimming with whales a lot, the most prominent of
those dreams revealed me as a killer whale calf...cavorting with the most
graceful strides next to a giant and exquisite mother whale. I felt
every inch of her smooth, strong body. My physical presence in that
environment was tangible. I knew this matriarch with profound familiarity; in
fact I had known her forever, and knew her completely.
I was so
very safe in her embrace. Even without
the vehicle of arms, hands, and fingers with which to hold on, she managed
to envelop me perfectly and absolutely within her gargantuan
spirit. Intertwined, we moved together through seamless lifetimes, rolling over and
over like the tides, across endless landscapes and beyond all perceived
horizons.
And
like the ocean... is heaven. Both are defined by the all-powerful
force of ebb and flow. Inhale and exhale. Death and rebirth.
I told
mom that I believe those whales in my dreams were the two of us. That “someday”,
in a place where time doesn’t exist, and life and death are as easily accepted
and honored as our every breath, mom and I would be together again in the
flesh. I told her that the night of July 5, 1998, when mom and I were
visited by a pod of thirty killer whales off the south shore of San Juan Island,
was the best day of my life. I know now that both those dreams - and that
day - will be the best of my entire existence, material or immaterial.
Because they represent both the beginning and end of time in the instant of my
origin, as I was born of my mom’s body and spirit. It defines the fundamental
breath I share with my mom, which will never expire, but only evolve.
Mom
and I will exist together forever in that moment. And because of our joint liver surgery, into eternity, mom
takes with her a part of my own flesh. From her belly, I was birthed. And out of mine, she was given a little more time. We gave one another life. Physical LIFE.
* * *
* * *
Literally
the INSTANT I arrived at the hospital with my sisters, and entered her room
(for what I knew would be the last time), at approximately 11:35pm on New
Year’s Eve, mom’s body let her spirit go. Up she ascended, and out she
expanded, and off she soared into the depths of a blue heaven we will not know
until we have earned it ourselves.
Mom
lost her own mother on the same night exactly 23 years ago – New Year’s Eve, 1981. My
Grandmother was 58 years old when she passed. Mom was 57.
Nothing
is real tonight. Our minds protect themselves, because if the reality of this
grief were to come all at once –
more, even, than one miniscule particle at a time - we would surely
drown in it.
In
this moment, I feel at peace. My heart tells me that tonight, my mom lived -and
died - through the grandest of all spiritual experiences. From that place, I
feel her swishing with ease through the sacred waters of time,
continuing on in her passage. I see her embracing her own mother, and her
sister Karen. She will soar always with the ease of anti-gravity
on the swells of our prayers for her.
Mom is frolicking with
her band of beloved angels now.
Like
the crested caps of whipping waves, underneath which whales live, love and
play…she too is
dancing.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Christmas Morning, 2004
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays
to you all!
We were given quite a gift this
morning...we were praying around mom's bedside, when lo and behold, angels
arrived in the flesh, held our hands, and joined in the circle to accompany us.
Dad, Aimee, Micah, Tina and I went
into mom's room this morning around 10:00am. (we) opened the gifts we had
brought for her...which included a beautiful fleece blanket from Aimee, Dad,
and Hannah (hand-made), with colorful kitties on it...a CD from Micah, which he
recorded playing all instruments people have given to him over the years...one
of which was a shaker that mom made for him at one point...a framed picture
(from me) of me and mom side by side in our hospital beds and matching gowns,
taken just prior to surgery...some antique angel cards from Tina...and from our
Papa (Mom's daddy) and Grandma Judith in Dallas...a book about 'quantum healing',
(which we will all study up on and use), and a lovely crystal angel into which
they have been channeling all of their prayers for mom. Although i know mom
loved the gifts, her affect was flat. She just looked completely wiped out. As
always these days, she was silent, in and out of sleep. Halfway in this world
and halfway beyond.
We stood around the bed and held
hands. Dad led us in the Lord's Prayer, which he actually sang. Then he led us
and mom through a meditative visualization about healing white light flooding
mom's body from her head to her toes...we tried our hardest to keep our
composure, but the energy in the room was solemn, to say the least. Both my and
Tina's hearts were heavy...laden with childhood memories of our exciting Christmas
mornings with mom and dad...missing those...just feeling so profoundly sad.
Then...dad (who was facing the
window out into the hallway) kind of lit up...and he said "well, look
who's here!" I turned around to see Trevor, Bishop Mosely, and Minister Alvin...a
band of angels who had come to brighten our morning, and remind us of the true
reason for the season. Every spirit in the room lifted. Mom's face flooded with
light and life.
Trevor was a beautiful, loving woman, who had worked with my Dad (something like) twenty years ago; and whom he had just "run into out of nowhere" about a week before Christmas. She had known and loved my Mom, so when she learned of Mom's condition, she wanted to come to the hospital and visit. And so here she was, unannounced, with several members of her spiritual family. They came out of the goodness of their hearts, just to be with us, to bring us comfort and joy, and to pray with us...for Mom. Although, to the "naked eye", Mom's demeanor didn't appear all that different...the ENERGY in the room changed drastically. And the way Mom looked up at these wonderful friends, as they sang and summoned the divine, was undeniable. There was joy in her eyes; and it was POWERFUL.
Trevor was a beautiful, loving woman, who had worked with my Dad (something like) twenty years ago; and whom he had just "run into out of nowhere" about a week before Christmas. She had known and loved my Mom, so when she learned of Mom's condition, she wanted to come to the hospital and visit. And so here she was, unannounced, with several members of her spiritual family. They came out of the goodness of their hearts, just to be with us, to bring us comfort and joy, and to pray with us...for Mom. Although, to the "naked eye", Mom's demeanor didn't appear all that different...the ENERGY in the room changed drastically. And the way Mom looked up at these wonderful friends, as they sang and summoned the divine, was undeniable. There was joy in her eyes; and it was POWERFUL.
Minister Alvin sang a gorgeous
gospel song in a gentle bass voice...we all held hands in a circle around mom,
with the faith healers on mom's "good side" (a.k.a. her right side,
to which she leans and turns her head). Trevor stroked mom's hair and whispered
to her... "Jennie, we've got work to do...you and me". Bishop Mosely
then offered a powerful prayer. And then Trevor, with tears streaming down her
cheeks, praised the lord for hearing our prayers.
Minister Alvin reminded god of his
own word: he said that because they, in this life, are speaking his word, his
word will prove itself true with us as witnesses. He said, "Before we
summon gifts from you, God, first we want to thank you...thank you for helping
Jennie to wake up this morning...thank you for helping the family to stand, and
keep up their strength and faith...thank you god for healing your daughter,
geneva, for she is one of your precious children...one of your earthly
gems...and god, we know your daughter geneva is already healed, because we
never thank you for something you haven't done yet!"
Bishop Mosely, Trevor, and Minister
Alvin sang more gospel songs, all the time laying hands on mom's body. My
favorite of the songs went something like this: "Jesus' line is never
busy...you just call Him up, and tell him what you want...just call him, and
tell him what you want". Another song (I was trying so hard to retain the
lyrics, but most have drifted away by now) that Minister Alvin sang spoke about
God healing his broken vessel...and that god and his angels (including the
group of us) will be a living sanctuary for mom as she heals.
We explained to the band of healers
that mom is the greatest and truest example of someone who not just
speaks...but lives...the word and light of god. Dad said, "Jennie has been
a light of peace and hope for so many...and that now all of the light that
she's given is coming back for her in her greatest time of struggle and need.
Her own love for god will carry her through this.
Mom has instilled so strongly in
us, a faith in god and his angels. I believe that Bishop Mosely, Trevor, and
all of their friends in the ministry are these angels that mom has always believed
in...in the flesh...a testament to their reality and power. And when mom is
healed, she will join the band of earth-bound angels, herself a testament of
the most spectacular kind! Her miracle will give others the strength to
continue on, even in the most grim and dire of circumstances. She already
reminds us that god is working in ways that surpass our comprehension. And as
Micah's mom, Linda, reminded me last night...the miracle is already happening.
Trevor, Bishop Mosely and Minister
Alvin told us they loved us, and they told mom how they love her...and that
they will be back, and back again.
What an amazing gift it was to be
visited by angels on Christmas morning.
From our family to all of you and
yours...we love you and wish you a beautiful Christmas day!
Liz
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Friday, December 09, 2011
J.R., The Traveling Weird Mouse...by Jennie
My Mom's unique sense of humor, quirky-awesome style, fantastic sense of wonder and loving sensibilities shined through in everything she did. She sang, wrote music, played many instruments, drew, wrote stories, plays and poetry; she DANCED and danced and danced. She cooked, baked, ran a daycare, worked in telecommunications, studied and practiced reflexology, sewed, decorated, volunteered in countless organizations, and made everyone laugh, and see beauty in themselves they may have otherwise had trouble recognizing. As a parent, a mother, a soul mate and a best friend - there are no words to describe her magic. In every way, and through the medium of anything and everything she touched, my Mom CREATED and COMMUNICATED...LOVE. One of her many ongoing creative projects was a COMIC STRIP, about a little "weird mouse" named J.R. I have resurrected copies of over twenty of her J.R. comic strips; I've added color to them, and will post them here on her blog. ENJOY, and feel the love!
Thursday, December 08, 2011
Saturday, December 03, 2011
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