Today, December 31st, 2015, is my Mom's 11th Rebirthday. It is also my maternal Grandmother's, (my Amma's), 34th. In honor of them both -- their spirits both so rich with the Love on High that courses through my family's veins -- I am proud to share something my precious (19 year-old) nephew, Aidan, wrote about Mom for a school assignment a couple of months ago. Keep in mind, Aidan was only seven years old when Mom died. His recollections of their time together, and reflections on their relationship and how he processed (and continues to process) her passing...are beyond beautiful; heart-breaking, yes...but heart-expanding, too. * * *
Forever my Nana
As an 8 year-old kid, life was good.
It had its ups and downs, as it does for everyone, but as a kid I could be
given a brownie and I was fine. So how could I handle tragedy? Something that
one, two, or even three brownies could not heal. Something that, to this day I
think back at, and it raises the sadness always lingering within me to the
surface. This event would be the day my Nana passed away. She was someone in my
life who helped shape the person I always wanted to be, and the person I am
today. No brownie is worth the amount of love she had in her heart.
I can recall
so many great moments with her. I liked to dance a lot as a child, my favorite
artist was Michael Jackson, and I would always try and mimic his dances. Nana,
being a dancer herself, loved to dance with me, and was always impressed at the
skills I possessed. I was about 5 or 6, and she had asked me to dance with her
on stage at her church. I had said yes with nervousness, the stage has always
been scary for me. During the day of the performance I had tried to get out of
dancing, telling Nana I was too nervous. She had the ability to comfort me
during nerve-racking situations just by telling me “It’s ok honey.” I went up
on stage, the song Heal the World by Michael Jackson began, and I just started
dancing, paying close attention to my Nana, and not the audience, as she danced
right beside me. I will never forget how confident she made me feel with only
her simple words. The song ended, the audiences clapped, and I could not be
happier that I went up there and shared this great moment her.
Another profound memory of Nana was
when I was 5 years old. I had been given a homework assignment to make a
Mother’s Day gift for my mom. Nana gave me the idea to plant something for her.
I do not know what plant it is, but it is special to me. It took a few hours to
find a pot, find the plant, and plant the seed. It was a moment with her, which
contained nothing but pure joy and happiness, something that I always got when
I was with her. Nothing felt better than seeing the absolute joy on my mother’s
face when I gave it to her, and to watch it grow. To this day, the plant is
still alive, and I feel a part of my Nana still lives with it.
It was December 31st,
2004. I was at my mom’s boyfriend’s house at the time; chips and salsa, and a
plethora of candy, sat on the table in front of us as we watched the annual New
Year’s Eve TV event. There was a lot of laughter, and a look of happiness glued
on our faces. It seemed like nothing could ruin my day, until my mom received a
call from the hospital. My Nana has been suffering for a few years of
complication from Hepatitis C and liver disease. Just six months before, she
had undergone a living-donor liver transplant. Her donor was my Aunt Liz,
another role model in my life. We had thought this was a big step toward her
getting better, but there were complications. During her surgery, they had to
cut a large vein from her thigh to use in place of her hepatic artery, to
connect to her new liver. The incision in her leg became infected, which
eventually infected her entire body through her blood. There was nothing the
doctors could do, her body just shut down. This is something I have only
recently learned, but at the time all I knew was she was sick, and I wanted her
to get better.
My mother’s happy face, quickly
turned to sadness; my face turned concerned. She did not tell me what was going
on, all she told me was she had to visit Nana, she walked out the door.
I remember feeling sad. I knew there
was something up, but I did not know what exactly. I continued to feel
concerned for about another hour, and fell asleep just before midnight. I woke
up in the morning on the bed next to my mom. She was still asleep, but I was
wide awake just dying to know the answer to my question, how is she? I spent an extra half an hour stewing over it. “Is she ok?” “Is she ok?” “Is she ok?”
were the only questions repeating themselves in my head. As my mom slowly
opened her eyes, I quickly asked “how is
Nana?” My mom responded in a quiet, mournful tone, “She is with the angels
now.” In shock, the only word I could mutter was “oh”. I turned my head, and
began to process what I had just heard.
There were so many great moments with
her, and these memories were all popping up in my head after hearing the tragic
news. Words did not escape my mouth for a couple of hours. I went home and saw
my babysitter, Britney, who we called Bre for short. We had told her the news.
My lack of emotional reaction toward the situation quickly came to an end, as I
ran to Bre and began to cry profusely. I cannot say why she was the person to
whom I broke; maybe it was because she was the first person I saw, and my body
thought it was time to let out the emotions within, like a volcano beginning to
erupt. I gave her a hug, and ran into my house. I laid down on my bed. Tears
still running down my eyes, I looked up to read a poem from my Nana, which was
in a picture frame hanging over my bed. It was titled Angels Danced.
“Aidan, I wonder if you know…
That on the morning you were born the
Angels danced? Stars in Heaven shone as bright as the light in your eyes! Music
filled the ears of all Creation with your first cry And God said…Praise be to
Glory…Aidan is here!
“Aidan,
do you remember…
When you were still alive in Heaven
sitting at God’s feet? A stream of golden water filled with bubbles trickling
by, Fairies and Pixies tickled your precious toes as you smiled and God
said…Aidan, there is much work to be done!”
“Aidan,
do you know how special you are…
Looking out into the great big world
through your eyes, Tell us what you see and know and feel about life’s joy!
Wisdom is carried deep within your strong, sweet heart And God told us…Aidan
has danced with the Angels!”
My Nana’s
passing has not only affected me, but my entire family. It took years to heal
this hole created in our heart. I always tried to be the comforting child, I
would see my mom upset, and immediately give her a hug. I would try to stay
strong and keep everyone’s spirits up, but it was extremely difficult to do so,
as you could imagine. They could not look at pictures of her without breaking
down. Nana was someone who touched all of our hearts, and she left us so soon.
After years of going through the mourning process, we now celebrate her life. Just
last New Year’s Eve, my brother, mom, Aunt Liz, and Pappy were sitting in bed,
watching home videos of Nana, one which included her 50th birthday.
She had hundreds of friends and family celebrating her 50 years of life, it is
incredible how loved she was. In that video you can see her dancing, enjoying
her life. This brought back the memories of me dancing with her, and I miss it
so. As we watched the home videos, it was a moment of laughter and tears, this
is what Nana would have wanted us to do all along.
Nana’s
kind hearted soul influenced me greatly. Just like I believe she lives in the
plant, I believe she lives in me as well. Through every struggle in my life I
know she is telling me “it’s ok honey” to help me get through it. She is a good
portion of the reason why I am so kind hearted myself. I am happy to have had
so many great moments with her, but every single day I wish she was here in
person, to create more great memories.
